My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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