After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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