i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
