I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
