I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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