Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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