think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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