you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
pray to the hookup gods
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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