I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
