what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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