my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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