I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
