Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
