I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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