I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
