I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
