dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
God I need to hump something, right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
