please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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