Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am naked and annoyed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
