my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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