You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
