Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
