porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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