So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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