I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
