Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i think i just lost a toe
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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