Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
