I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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