I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize