he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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