How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
