But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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