look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
