my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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