Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
