I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
