people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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