She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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