his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
