i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
