i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
