16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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