I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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