Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
