I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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