so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
