Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
