im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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