i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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