haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
