my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
