Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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