and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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