he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
