I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
