ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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