you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We need to get me chipped asap
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
