You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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