eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
