Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
