It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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