i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
