At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
