Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
