"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
