It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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