Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
