i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
