Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm like, not good at living.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
