I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
