Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am available for nakedness
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
