My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
