actually, I'm a sock model
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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