Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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