Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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