her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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