Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
