If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
