the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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