after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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