seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
