We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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