you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
