I'm so fucking centered right now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
