I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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