:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
