Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
