His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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