They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
